I actually did it.
I didn’t think I could, but I did it.
People wish I had waited, but I didn’t.
And these are the results…
Here’s how it went down.
As you know, I was TOO through with my relaxed hair. While my natural hair was soft and trying to curl itself into its natural perfection, my relaxed hair hung dry, limp, listless in styles it was not made to be put in, like braid outs, flexi-rod sets, and wash and go’s. I was fed up. I knew I had my hair appointment on Saturday, but the decision to Big Chop was a very personal one. It’s a big jump to go from loving your long hair, unhealthy though it may be, to just wanting healthy hair, no matter the length. So I decided that when I did my BC I wanted to be alone, and I wanted to do it myself.
I grabbed a pair of yarn scissors (hey, they were the sharpest I had!) and headed to the bathroom and shut the door. I wet my hair, first with a spray bottle, and then with water from the shower, in the hopes of seeing where my relaxed hair stopped and my natural hair began. It was a bit of a struggle. The line of demarcation was not clear — at least not to me. So after a few minutes of trying to find a clear place to cut, and walking around to get rid of shaky hands, I closed the scissors around a strand…and chopped.
The shock was overwhelming. There was this long, straight, beautiful strand, dead in my hand. But there was also great relief. I knew once that first strand came off, there was no turning back.
So over the next 20 minutes or so, I cut..and cut…and cut. Until finally I had a wet, strange looking afro that I could hardly believe was my hair.
Am I in love with it? No, not yet. Do I hate it? Not at all. Can I learn to work with it? Absolutely, and I can’t wait to start! I’ll deep condition the hair with my stylist on Saturday, and get everything trimmed so that my cut is even. I’m already loving the overall ease of care, and the fact that my head feels so LIGHT! It’s strange, but it’s wonderful. So much so that the reactions of those around me, while appreciated, don’t much matter. They’ll be along for the ride in their own time. This was my choice. My moment. My time. And I’m really, really glad I handled it the way that I did. It was very emotional and I wouldn’t have wanted to break down in front of a stylist.
I’ll never forget today and its significance for me. To most people it’s just hair, but for me it was tied up in a lot of self esteem issues and other things that I’ll get into over the next year of blogging. Like anything deeply personal, it was something I had to do it my way, and I don’t think I’ll ever regret the decision, no matter where it takes me.